‘I’m preventing to get my dignity again…’: Malayalam actor opens up on life after 2017 assault

“I felt it was me versus the world,” the Malayalam actor who survived the 2017 kidnapping and sexual assault, instructed senior journalist Barkha Dutt in a digital dialogue Sunday.

Opening up about her struggles over the past 5 years, the survivor stated: “Trying to prove you have not done anything wrong and facing questions and cross examination for 15 days in the court, I felt lonely and devastated. Going through that again and again, I realized it was my fight. I felt it was me versus the world.”

The survivor was held hostage in her personal automobile by a gaggle of males and subjected to sexual assault in February 2017. Soon after well-liked actor Dileep emerged as one of many main accused within the case. Dileep was arrested and is going through trial within the case. He has denied all fees.

The on-line trolling and insensitive media debates accusing her of mendacity added to her trauma. “The five year journey was very difficult to me. They don’t even know me, some random people (on TV) saying I shouldn’t have travelled so late — the incident happened around 7 pm! They were blaming me. And they were accusing me of being part of some conspiracy (to defame a popular actor). I was devastated. While I was trying to pick up pieces and stand up for myself, this was pulling me down. I wanted to scream at them that my parents didn’t raise me like that. They were indulging in victim shaming. Thankfully I was not on social media at the time. After I joined Instagram, I received messages like ‘why don’t you kill yourself’. So I wanted to put it out there and it was very cathartic,” she recalled, explaining why earlier this yr she revealed her identification to the general public by means of an Instagram publish.

In her public word, she had recalled her journey of transformation from a “victim to a survivor”. She additionally revealed that at occasions she felt like transferring to a special nation and making a recent begin by placing all this behind her. But, the help she acquired from her family members stored her preventing for justice.

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“Sometimes I feel I shouldn’t have spoken up. I wanted to quit many times. I have told my family and friends, that I can’t do it anymore. And I wanted to have a normal life. But I think it is my will to keep fighting and prove that I hadn’t done anything wrong. My family, friends, WCC, so many people are standing behind me and giving me enormous courage. I am fighting to get my dignity back,” she famous.

She additionally talked about how males who’re accused of significant sexual crimes face little to no penalties of their social {and professional} life. “It is sad and makes me very, very angry like everyone who wants justice to be done. But in the court, what matters is proof not emotions. Not every day I feel empowered and ready to fight. So many times, I just wanted to go somewhere else. Maybe a different country and start a new life. It is not all easy. When I see such stories and news, it is very disheartening. We should normalize the idea of a person, who has gone through any kind of trauma, coming out in public and voicing it out. As a society, we should encourage it.”

The actor additional stated that it was her choice to not act in Malayalam cinema after the assault on her.

“I was denied work before the incident. After the incident, many offered me work and insisted I come back (to work). Aashiq Abu, Prithviraj, Jayasurya and others offered me work but I turned them down because I couldn’t come back to this industry and work as if nothing happened. I was not in the right state of mind. I worked in other language films. Now, I have also started listening to Malayalam scripts, ” she remarked.